Friday, October 10, 2008

Tropical N

Tropical N. is today the number one pandemic sickness spreading around the globe, but nobody knows about it.

Tropical N. (a.k.a. Tropical Napping) is severely gaining roots in Singapore and I would not be surprised that this virus is also gaining momentum in other part of the planet. My long and deep observations on this important t(r)opic, conducted me to come up with a new theory on how and why tropical islanders are falling for Tropical N.

First of all, I would underline that Tropical N is neither a pastime like it is in South Europe, nor a hobby like it is in South America. It is on this side of the planet, an epidemic that has been turned in last decade or so into an Art of War against ... Sun, Rice and Trees.

I can see it in your eyes, dear reader, from across the wire cable that you are already questioning my fundamental thesis on the relationship that men across the tropics have with each other and Mother Nature. How come on earth, Tropical N is different from anything you've seen before? And what does it have to do with ... Sun, Rice and Trees?

Let me tell you, that Tropical N is different than anything you have been experiencing, reading or contemplating in your life. Today Tropical N is becoming mainstream, a social mandate and a corporate practice. It has been reported (somewhere on Wikipedia, so that must be true) that an ancient Japanese soldier, left on a deserted island in Indonesia, lived to 158 years because he was Tropical N'ing 6 hours a day. He also did not know that the War World II was over, but that's another story.

Tropical N is different because of its nature. Tropical N happens anywhere, anytime, any length, to anybody, in group or alone (remember that you only need 20 seconds to fall asleep). Tropical N has been recently reported to happen in streets, at work, at home, in public and certainly in private, between the dark walls of homes. Tropical N has been now socially tolerated, accepted as a common sickness and scheduled for isolation.

Where does it all come from?

The primary reason for Tropical N is the Sun.
From the early hours of the day, bodies are cooked by the vicious sunlight that by a weird local magic managed to find its way across any modern or ancient landscape. Not even the famous tourist tour groups, who honed for decades the world famous 3T war tactic, can escape the current pandemic outbreak on the island (from Wikipedia: "The 3T, or the Tourist Turtle Tactic, is a tactic that tourists use to progress in hostile foreign territory, by being covered in pastel color from top to toe, wearing giant sunglasses and sun visor protectors, and only moving in one coordinated group move").

Tropical N is also the consequence of the widespread use of Rice on tropical islands.

Rice is a base (I am talking about the cereal not Condoleezza here for those who try to read between the lines). And because of that, rice needs other dishes to go with. And then the issue comes along. What do you serve rice with? Stomach-heavy sauce, greasy curries, and other filling dishes that no human stomach can decently handle. Check out the list of rice dishes for your convincing.

It has been commonly accepted now in the healthcare industry that the root cause of S.A.D. (Sleepiness Attitude Disorder) is rice. A recent report has identified that 38.62% of rice eaters are SAD positive among underaged, non-pregnant women who use a pen as a tooth brush and eat rice three times a day at breakfast, lunch and dinner in a tropical island and living with their grandparents.

The last factor of the Tropical N pandemic is the natural luxuriance that exist in the tropics. Photosynthesis creates the lush and fascinating trees, the ones that can be 30 meters high and 40 meters wide, covering an entire backyard, bringing a fresh and cooling atmosphere under their branches. And like a kid to whom an old lady is singing a song, you are invited to climb into her arm and let your reclining napping monster get out of the box for a moment.

Sun, Rice and Trees are the three main factors causing Tropical N, and can only be fought back by cutting all trees, putting a bubble around tropical islands to protect inhabitant from the sun, and finally start globally subsidizing french fries. Unfortunately Tropical N is not well known on the planet because it touches a too low of a percentage of the global population now. I just hope that by explaining the danger of it, people will finally agree on acting on it and start spreading the message: Tropical N is S.A.D.

"I don't generally feel anything until noon; then it's time for my nap."
-- Bob Hope